I haven't
physically met all that many Americans in my life. So this article is not to be
mistaken for a sociological study. This article is about (a certain aspect of)
the image of Americans, about how the Americans make themselves look like.
From countless
books, movies, articles and forum posts, I have gotten the impression that
(excepting grave situations such as cases of physical violence, alcoholism or
conflicting sexual desires) the overwhelming majority of close relationship
conflicts in the USA have one of the following three causes:
1. She wants him to
lower the toilet seat after he has used the toilet, and he won't.
2. She wants him to
take the garbage out, and he won't.
3. He wants her to
make him a sandwich, and she won't.
I mean, seriously,
how often have you seen an American woman in a movie or in a forum complain
about her husband or boyfriend not fixing the broken latch on the bathroom door
or being too lazy to beat the carpets every Saturday, or an American man
complaining that his girlfriend won't make his favourite soup the way he loves
it? Apart from outright abuse, whenever Americans complain about their
significant others, it's almost always one of those three things – toilet seat,
garbage, sandwich.
It is... well,
stupefying, really, because all those three things are trifles not worth wasting
your nerves on.
* * *
The liftable toilet
seat was obviously invented for the purpose of being lifted when you urinate
standing up, and lowered when one does things that require sitting down. It
stands to reason that whoever goes to the bathroom to use the toilet, places
the seat in the required position. After the use, as it cannot be known who
will be the next person using the toilet, it is logical to leave the seat as it
is, rather than try to anticipate in which position it will be required next.
In simpler words,
there isn't a reason in the world why a man should have to lower the toilet
seat after use, in case the next toilet user will be female, just so she
wouldn't have to bother with lowering the seat herself. It feels weird to even
write about something so elementary.
There are things one shouldn't burden a woman with. For instance, let's
imagine that the family computer has two operating systems installed, because
the man uses some obscure software that requires Linux. In that case, it stands
to reason that he should set the computer to boot to Windows by default, so
that the woman wouldn't have to bother with remembering to press the right key
quickly enough when turning on the computer. And it stands to reason that he
should make sure that the washing machine is plugged to the power grid so that the
woman wouldn't have to fumble around with an extension cord. But lowering the
toilet seat is something every woman is capable of doing without any effort
whatsoever. So what's the fucking big deal? I just don't get it.
No girlfriend has ever
tried to pull that one on me. Even the topic itself has never come up in
conversations, because it's just so infinitely meaningless. I just don't
understand why it's such a huge problem for the American women.
* * *
Even in Germany
where I lived for an extended period of time, the division of tasks into
"men's jobs" and "women's jobs" was considered more or less
a kind of mental disease. One would expect that it would be even more so the
case in the USA. Indeed it seems to, with but one exception – the taking out of
the garbage.
It is just
mind-blowing that, in a society so utterly obsessed with the gender sameness
delusion, there is one domestic task singled out to be the duty of men, and how self-evidently the
Americans talk about it being the duty of men exclusively, without the
slightest attempt of explanation, ever.
It is even more
mind-blowing how come the choice has fallen on, of all things, the taking out
of the garbage.
Do I need to tell
you that no woman has ever tried to pull that one on me either? For that
matter, I have never heard of a woman in this country who has. But I have been
asking people about that only-men-have-to-take-out-the-garbage madness in
American movies. They say: "Oh, the women are only looking for an
excuse to nag." That answer is entirely off the point. I know the women
are only looking for an excuse to nag. For that matter, I know why women
(appear to) nag. The question still remains: why garbage? There's a thousand other
things women could whine about. Why has the taking out of the garbage been
raised to the centrepoint of domestic power games in the USA?
I mean, there are many tasks around home which would require physical
strength, technical skill or, for that matter, getting things from high
shelves. Taking out the garbage is obviously not one of them. It is totally
something a woman wouldn't require a man for. The American women take every
opportunity to insist how equal they are to the men and how there is no job in
the world women couldn't do just as well as men. So what on Earth gave them the
idea that the taking out of the garbage is the one task among all human
activities that the women just can't do when there is a man or a boy in the
household?
To think of it, it is traditionally the woman's job to do all kinds of
dirty jobs around the house – to clean the rooms, to do the laundry, and such.
So if anything, taking out of the garbage should logically be the woman's job
too. I mean, should it be required to move the garbage container to she
sidewalk on certain days so the garbage collection van could empty it – that's
clearly a man's job. But a trash bag from the trash can in your kitchen is
never so heavy that it would be uncomfortable for a woman to lift. And its
handling is most certainly not too disgusting for someone who is used to
cleaning toilets and changing diapers.
One can sometimes learn a lot about people by observing what kind of jokes they make and what kind of jokes they avoid making.
One mind-boggling demonstration of how thoroughly some feminist principles have been instilled into the brains of men in the English-speaking world can be seen in the Jetlag mock travel guide "Phaic Tan".
Now, Jetlag travel guides generally contain political incorrectness that might well make many native English speakers drop dead with shock. "Phaic Tan", the second book in the series is no exception. It contains brilliant jokes such as it's a very good idea take your children along to your trip – when you hire a motorbike, you can leave one as a deposit. (p101)
On page 31, there is something that is not all that funny, but tells volumes about the minds of the authors. It's about the society of Phaic Tan being very traditional. "In Phaic Tanese society, only the women may tend cattle, cultivate the fields, gather provisions, chop wood, make handicrafts and raise children. Men are expected to prepare sacrifices to the gods and put the bins out."
AND PUT THE BINS OUT
This was just too unreal. It would appear that the authors of the Jetlag books have been trained by their mothers and bitchfriends to such reflectory obedience that they can't even conceive a parody world where women do all the work. The most extreme case of women's exploitation their emasculated brains were able to come up with was a fantasy community where women did all the work except take out the garbage – the latter still being men's job.
Now, I find it extremely unlikely that in traditional East Asian communities (let alone in communities where men actually laze around day in, day out and the women do all the work), it would be the men's job to take out the garbage. However, the authors of Phaic Tan can't imagine a society where it isn't. How submissive can a man get??
At this point I just have to ask again – what is the fucking point of singling out the garbage? I mean, if the arrogant bitches want to train their men into considering something as exclusively a man's duty, fine, but what in heaven's name made you select the taking out of the garbage from hundreds of tasks to choose from?
To subtly get the boys into the habit of thinking that men are garbage??
I hope my remaining lifetime will be long enough to get behind that mystery.
Well, I could go on but I'm sure you get the idea. Singling out the taking
out of the garbage as the one "men's job" makes no sense whatsoever.
* * *
It is no secret that even in today's feminist world, women are, on average,
much better cooks than men, so cooking for the family is usually the woman's
task. Now, it's only expected that the man tells the woman what kind of meals
he would like her to prepare. That is as long as it's a meal that takes time and effort to prepare.
But... a sandwich??
There can be no doubt that even a man with no culinary skills whatsoever is
capable of cutting off a slice of bread from a loaf, spread a layer of butter
on it and cut a slice or two of sausage, cheese, tomato or whatever, and put it
onto the slice of bread (and, if so desired, put another slice of bread on top of
it). A sandwich is the one meal everyone above 10 years of age should have no
difficulties preparing.
Now, it's perfectly reasonable for one person, usually the lady of the house,
to make a number of sandwiches for a group of people, just as any other meal
or snack. It's a completely different thing to demand a sandwich from one's
girlfriend – if it hadn't been for Hollywood and the Internet, the very thought
would have never crossed my mind. What am I, a baby who can't make his own
sandwich?
I mean, really – there are many things a man could request from his woman
and she might be reluctant of doing. Why is it that the American men have
singled out the preparation of a sandwich to make a problem of?
Beats me.
* * *
Toilet seat, garbage and sandwiches – those three things are the most
talked-about problems in American couples' everyday life. Makes you think the Yankers are completely crazy, doesn't it?
