Don't invest in women

Recently I came, yet again, across a bunch of articles offering generic advice for Western men hooking up with Thai girls. It's not like I'm looking for that kind of information. I have quite adequate first-hand knowledge and I know better information sources for learning more. No, it's just that sometimes when you're looking for something, you find something else.

Anyway, that brought my thoughts back to the subject of Western men being overwhelmed by the "Adult Disneyland". Many of them are doing incredibly stupid things like a child let loose in a candy factory might. Then there's a number of men giving other men tips on avoiding some unbelievabaly stupid mistakes in Thailand. And finally, there's another category of men who seem to greatly enjoy true stories about horrible things that have happened to Farangs in Thailand.

Some of the advice given is very impractical, like "don't fall in love", as if we ever chose to fall in love. Some overflow the readers with unnecessary cultural advice, like behaviour rules which are supposed to be absolutely necessary when dealing with Thais – except that when you have learned it all, you will see that the Thais themselves don't follow those rules. There is actually very little to learn. Don't give things with your left hand, never show the middle finger, never say "fuck you" – that is pretty much the only etiquette you'll need in Thailand, apart from keeping your eyes open and following the elementary rules of respectfulness, like a sensible person would do in pretty much every country.

As to dealing with Thai women, I came to think of one rule which I believe is the most important. I mean, there is absolutely nothing wrong with your reading several books on Thai culture. But if you don't want to bother with that just yet, there is one rule of thumb which is easy to remember and ought to keep you from losing your heart and your shirt.

The rule is: "Don't invest in a woman."

It means that the normal way of things is: she gives something to you, you give something to her. Avoid giving something to women for the mere hope of getting something in return in the future. No honey, no money. Panties down before money down.

In fact, that is a good policy even with the women back home, except that it's extremely hard to follow. In the West, it's commonly accepted that a man is supposed to invest a lot in the woman and she might return the favours or not, and there is nothing the man can do about it. That's a biological thing which has perfectly plausible reasons, but I am not going into details here. What is important for you to realise is that in Thailand we are not required to do that. We don't have to pay for hopes. We even pay for sex after we've fucked the chick. That's unheard of in Europe.

Sure enough, I've taken a Thai bargirl out on a dinner, and she chose the restaurant, and it was rather expensive for Thai standards, and of course I paid. But that was only after I had fucked her. I didn't take her to a nice expensive restaurant in order to make her like me more so that maybe she would reward me with sex someday. No, I took her out to dinner because while in bed with her I took a liking in her as a person, and I figured she was good enough for more than sex. I agreed to her choice of restaurant because I liked it. The money I spent was absolutely worth the food I ate and the good time I had in pleasant surroundings with a pretty girl who was kind to me.

That's the way to go. Whenever giving something, ask yourself occasionally: am I getting what I'm paying for?

Some argue that it's not quite "panties down before money down" in Thailand either. They would (correctly) point out that when you go into a bar in Thailand, you are required to buy a drink, and (more or less gently) pushed to buy one or two for the girls as well. I say: but you are getting something in return immediately – you are approached by scantily clad friendly pretty women, you get to touch them, and you are not the one who has to struggle to make conversation – they are. Isn't that worth the price of a couple of drinks? I say it is, totally.

Then, you pay the bar fine before you get to screw the chick, but isn't that worth being provided the environment where you can comfortably and unhurriedly check out a score of women, almost each one of whom is eager to be taken away by you? I think it is. Totally.

So those examples don't violate the principle "don't invest in a woman". What does is flying back home and sending money to "your" chick in Thailand so that she would go to school and give up prostitution, and to hire a detective to spy on her. (I saw a guy in Bangkok who provides exactly that service.) When you fuck her, give her money. When you don't fuck her, what the fuck are you giving her money for? If you want her for your wife, accept her for what she is. What is the point trying to change a prostitute into an innocent woman? If you want an innocent woman for a wife, go to an agency and buy a virgin, instead of sending the same amount of money to a bargirl and worrying yourself sick that she might still be sleeping with someone else.

What exactly is investing and what isn't? There is this test. If she would die or disappear or get married this moment, would you feel that the money, time and emotions you spent on her were more or less adequately compensated by whatever you got back from her? Or would you think: dammit, now it's all wasted?

Needless to say, that's a good question to occasionally ask yourself with the girls back home, too.